


Only Dark Listening to Dark

by alexcat



Series: 2018 Cap -Ironman Bingo [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Roughness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 09:59:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16427234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat
Summary: The one thing Tony needs is what he says he doesn't want - Steve Rogers.





	Only Dark Listening to Dark

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the Cap - Iron Man Bingo - questionable decision making process.

Not a day went by that he didn’t think about Rogers. Not a day went by that he didn’t want to kick his own ass for it. 

He heard the rumors: Rogers was Nomad now. Rogers was in Europe. Rogers and Romanov were a thing. 

He knew that all of them, Steve, Natasha and Sam were in Europe, and that they were busy doing the job they’d have done if the Avengers still existed. He knew their every move, or close enough to it that he could find them with less than half a day’s notice. 

He tried desperately to forget Steve Rogers. The man had been an affront to everything about him. He’d been a shining light to all of Tony’s darkness, all of Tony’s faults. But Steve never had any malice toward him. Tony didn’t think there was even any malice when he and Bucky had beat and defeated him. He said he did it to save Bucky and Tony knew he really did it for that reason. That was the part that made Tony want to hate him, made Tony so angry. 

But only Tony Stark knew that his righteous anger was a farce. 

He was angry because Steve was what he wasn’t ever going to be. The serum had done more than make the skinny kid into a physical miracle. It had enhanced all the rest of the man as well. It made the stubborn even more stubborn, the loyal more loyal and good even better. 

Damn Steve Rogers! 

Tony missed him more than he’d missed anyone, even his parents. 

His life was a mess. He was scared of another threat like Ultron or the Chitauri. He’d gotten engaged to Pepper out of fear of losing her. He didn’t sleep. He drank way too much. He’d replaced the Arc Reactor in his chest, much to Pepper’s ire, so he’d have the suit even closer. 

No one knew what was wrong. No one had ever known. He didn’t think even Steve knew. 

Tony had fallen in love with Steve the first time he’d ever seen him. It was his own embarrassment at his crush that made him behave so badly toward Rogers in the first place. That behavior almost cost him a friendship with Steve. 

But they had become friends and Tony had continued to love him in secret. 

That was why his heart was shattered after the Siberian events. Not only did he lose a friend, he lost something more elemental – hope. He’d always hoped that someday he could tell Steve how he felt, and that Steve might return that affection. 

Now it would never happen.

He was working on some designs for Rhodey, some better designs for his legs. He was always improving them. He owed Rhodey that much and more. 

“There is someone to see you,” FRIDAY interrupted his work to tell him. 

Who the hell would be here at this time? It was almost 3am. 

“It’s Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark.”

Tony’s heart almost pounded out of his chest. What the fuck? 

“Tell him to crawl back under whatever rock he came out of.” 

“You tell me yourself, Tony,” Steve said as he stepped into the room. 

Tony was shocked. Steve was not the man he remembered. He was dressed in dark clothing, his hair was long and shaggy, and he had a full beard. He looked oddly enticing, yet quite intimidating. 

“How did you get in?” 

“FRIDAY let me in. Apparently you never told her not to.” 

“I’ll fix that.” He was getting angry at Rogers’s lack of… what? An apology? Humility? 

“I’m here now.”

“Why?” He wanted Steve gone. 

“I needed to check on you. I heard things…” He let the last bit hang in the air. 

“Things? From whom did you hear ‘things’?” Tony was getting warmed up now. 

“Natasha talked to Rhodes. And Pepper. They said you’re not doing so well.”

“I’m fine, working on new projects, finishing up some old ones.” He was backing up toward the alarm on his workbench. 

“Pepper said you haven’t left this building in weeks. She says you don’t sleep and barely eat.” 

“Did she send for you?” Really? Pepper did this to him? 

“No. I came to see for myself. Nat and Sam aren’t with me.” 

Tony realized he was lying to protect them. It angered and hurt to think Steve thought so little of him. 

“Do you think I’d turn them in?” 

“Them, no, but you might turn me in.”

“Is that what you want? Why don’t you just go? I don’t want you here. Ever again. I’m fucking fine. Go.”

“Prove it,” Steve took a step closer to him. His eyes seemed even older, darker than they had before. 

“How?” What the fuck did Rogers want? “You have no right. You gave it up when you chose him.” 

“Is that what it is? That I chose him? He needed me. You -” 

“You were my fucking friend and _I_ needed you! I saw my parents killed by your friend.” 

“I couldn’t let them take him. They’d have killed him or worse.”

“I don’t care about Barnes. I care about y-” Tony stopped, realizing what he was about to say. 

“Do you still care about me?”

Steve stepped one step closer. 

“I don’t know. I hate what you did to me.” 

“I hate it, too.” A step closer. 

Tony could smell his cologne, something dark and – erotic. It reminded him of leather and salty skin. When had clean cut Steve started smelling and looking like sin? 

“What do you want?”

“I needed to see for myself. You’re a mess, Tony. You’re dressed in filthy clothes. Your hair hasn’t been washed in a while. Your eyes are red. You’re too skinny.”

“Why the hell do you keep coming closer then?” He backed up and Steve advanced another step. 

“I don’t know. You want me to.” 

He did! God help him, he did want Steve to come closer. 

“You’re full of shit, Rogers.” He backed up another step. He had backed into his worktable. There was nowhere else to go.

“I might be. But I’m here and I’m not leaving.” Tony reached under the table to the hidden button that called security. Steve’s hand grabbed his hand so quickly that he didn’t see it coming. “You don’t want to do that.” 

“What do I want then?” 

Steve closed the short distance between them and held Tony in a viselike embrace before Tony could react at all. He didn’t even have time to call his suit before Steve’s mouth found his. It was a kiss with no affection, bruising, hungry, demanding. Tony tried to push him away. Steve was having none of it. He moved his attention to Tony’s neck, biting and kissing him in equal measures, neither gentle. 

“Stop it!” Tony shouted. 

Steve went still, so still that Tony couldn’t even feel him breathe. “Are you sure you want me to stop?” 

“Of course I do!” was the answer his mouth gave as his arms went around Steve, as his body pressed against Steve’s. He felt the erection he’d dreamed about pressing hard against his belly. “I hate you and I want you to go.” He made a sound in his throat, a needy sound, as Steve lifted him and put him on the work table. Tony wrapped his legs around Steve. 

“Isn’t this what you always wanted?” Steve growled at him.

Tony didn’t say anything. 

“Answer me, Stark! Isn’t this what you wanted from me?” 

“Fuck yes!” Tony shrieked. “From the first time I saw you.” 

Steve kissed him again, fucking Tony’s mouth with his tongue. 

Steve tore his t-shirt open, a little surprised at the Arc Reactor. “What the hell?” 

“I had a new one made, just for the suit.”

“You really have lost it.” He stopped talking and began to kiss him again, kissing his neck and down his chest as he pushed Tony back onto the table. He sucked at one flat nipple then licked around the Arc Reactor as his hands freed Tony’s cock from the thin, stretchy pants he wore. He jerked the pants down, kissing a trail down Stark’s too slender front. “You are too skinny. Your ribs stick out.” 

“Fuck you!” Tony snarled at him. 

Steve leaned over him and kissed him again, reaching between them and taking Tony in hand. “Come for me, Tony.”

Tony did only moments later. He hadn’t lasted more than a minute. Steve didn’t seem bothered by it at all. He rubbed the sticky mess on Tony’s ripped shirt and leaned back down over Tony to kiss him again. 

“You need a shower and some sleep, Stark. You’re exhausted.” 

He stood up straight and reached for Tony’s hand. Tony glared at him, but reached out and let Steve take his hand. Steve led him toward the elevator. “FRIDAY, Tony’s quarters please.” 

“Yes, Mr. Rogers,” she trilled in that Irish accent. The elevator opened and Tony went with  
Steve. 

Once in the luxurious apartment, Steve led him to the bath and stripped the rest of Tony’s clothes off. He removed his own. Tony was sure Steve was going to have him then, but that wasn’t exactly the case. 

“Leave me alone.” The fight was gone from Tony’s voice. The words were angry words, but there was no rage left in them. There was only weariness. 

Steve turned on the water and waited for it to warm, then he escorted Tony into the roomy shower. He pushed him under the spray and watched as water plastered his hair to his head and sluiced down his body. When it was apparent that Tony wasn’t going to bathe himself, Steve stepped closer and began to do it for him. 

He’d nabbed a bath cloth on the way in and he soaped it up and began to gently wash Tony Stark as if he were a child. He washed him all over, face, feet and everything in between then he shampooed his hair, rinsed it and then dried them both when he got Tony out. He pulled his own dark jeans back on, not bothering with his shirt yet as he found a clean t-shirt and some clean boxers to put on Tony. 

“I am taking you to bed and you’re going to sleep. Is that clear?” 

Tony nodded. He was defeated, betrayed by them all. Steve, Rhodey and even Pepper. He let Steve take him to bed and to his dismay, Steve got in the bed with him and pulled him close. He was asleep in minutes. 

It was several hours later when Tony woke. He knew there was someone in bed with him but he was pretty sure he’d dreamed the visit from Rogers. He rolled over and looked. 

God! It hadn’t been a dream! Steve Rogers lay beside him, his face was relaxed and he looked years younger than he had just hours ago. He thought about kicking Steve out, but it was the first time he’d slept in days. He snuggled close and the next time he opened his eyes, it was light and he smelled coffee. 

Steve was in the kitchen, pouring coffee for both of them. 

“Good morning, Tony.” 

“You’re still here.” 

“I’m a wanted man. I can’t exactly go out in the street in the daylight.” He handed Tony a cup of coffee. Tony held it in both hands and smelled the fragrant steam coming from the cup. 

“You wanted it, too, then?” 

Steve didn’t say anything, looked away for a moment before looking back, then he nodded. “From the first time I laid eyes on you. You were so like Howard, but so not like him. There was something needy in you, something lacking that I needed to fill.” 

“That’s you, all right. Wanting to fix everyone,” Tony said, not in a kindly way. 

“Not fix, Tony. I wanted to fill your need. I need, too, you know.” 

“No, I didn’t know. I thought you only needed to be right.”

“You think that is what this is about?” Steve asked as he hunted food in the fridge. 

“Isn’t it?” 

“I came because Pepper called Natasha, asked me to come. Then Rhodey called.” 

“They were over reacting.” Tony drank from his cup. 

Steve was in front of him in a second, took the cup and set it on the table. He grabbed Tony and pulled him to his feet. Tony felt a trickle of fear at the anger in Steve’s face. 

“You’re a fucking mess! At least you’re clean now,” Steve growled as he kissed Tony, another violent kiss that ended abruptly this time. Tony didn’t let go though. He wrapped his arms around Steve like he was a life raft and held on.

“I didn’t, don’t want to be without you, you son of a bitch!” he shouted right back in Steve’s face. “You all left me alone. I felt broken, but everyone acted like _you_ were the hurt one, not me. You hurt me! You hurt me and left me to fucking die, Rogers.”

Steve’s anger visibly drained away and he put Tony down but he didn’t let go of him either, still holding him close. He kissed Tony’s forehead, a move so affectionate that it made Tony’s heart ache. 

“I hate you,” Tony whispered. “I hate you for making me love you.” 

There it was. 

Steve looked down into his eyes. There was no pity in his gaze. Tony was surprised that he saw something he honestly had never seen. Need. Not desire, but need. Tony kissed him then, a simple touch of his lips to Steve’s. 

Coffee and food were forgotten as Steve yanked Tony’s shirt off and ran his hands over him hungrily, possessively. As the kiss ignited, Tony felt his boxers being shoved down and he kicked them away when they hit the floor. His hands got busy on the button and zipper of Steve’s jeans, sliding them down his ass, then moving his hands back to the front to touch Steve, to take Steve’s hard, thick length into his hand. 

Steve made a sound in his throat at the touch. 

“Your skin is like fire,” Tony whispered. 

Steve didn’t move and barely breathed as Tony dropped to his knees in front of him. Tony hadn’t let go and still didn’t as he leaned close and kissed Steve’s penis, kissed it all the way from the head down the underside. He felt Steve tremble as he slid his mouth over him, taking him inside. 

“Tony,” was the only thing Steve said the entire time, up until he came inside Tony’s mouth. 

Tony looked up, saw the harshness leave Steve’s face, his eyes. He got to his feet and pulled Steve close again. Strong arms wrapped around him. He realized that he wasn’t afraid any more. He sighed. 

There was nothing edible in the fridge when they finally got around to food so they sent out for groceries. Tony made omelets with ham and peppers and they both ate like they were starving. 

“I should go,” Steve said as they cleaned up their mess. 

“No. Not yet. We need to – I want – Steve, I want more.” 

“More?”

Tony couldn’t tell if he really didn’t understand or if he was being stubborn. 

“More of you.” 

When Steve still didn’t say anything, he added, “In my bed. I want -”

Steve closed his eyes and nodded. “Yes.” 

*

Steve stayed several days. No one officially knew he was there, but Tony was different after that. He actually ate food and slept now and again. He showered and got haircuts on a regular basis. He was almost human, which was as good as he ever was. 

Rhodey and Pepper thought he might survive. 

When the world was too much, he’d use the flip phone and call Steve. His dark knight would be there in a matter of hours. They’d fight and fuck and Tony would be all right again. 

Tony could have gone on like this forever, but the world usually has other ideas. It certainly did this time…

**Author's Note:**

> The name comes from this poem:  
> Moonset  
> LEAVES of poplars pick Japanese prints against the west.  
> Moon sand on the canal doubles the changing pictures.  
> The moon’s good-by ends pictures.  
> The west is empty. All else is empty. No moon-talk at all now.  
> Only dark listening to dark.  
> ~~ Carl Sandburg


End file.
